I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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