I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
