Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
how drunk are you?
Several
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
