I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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