I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
