Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
