grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize