i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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