I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
