so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
