He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
