The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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