found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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