so explain again why im purple
no
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
