Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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