I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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