I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence