She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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