please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My penis needs a shock collar
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him