hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.