Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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