we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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