OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
