The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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