Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
