True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
