So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
