apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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