so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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