I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
