He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
