if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
