i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
