I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
