yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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