awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish i was in the wii world.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
