Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
