No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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