There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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