Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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