she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
