i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
