Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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