allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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