dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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