Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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