Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
