Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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