you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
