apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
