the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
