Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
