I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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