Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
