You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
