3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
