We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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