I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I believe in your delicious
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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