Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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