It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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