My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
