I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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