I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
