if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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