this beer tastes like vomit already
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i now understand why vodka
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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