So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
