I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
