This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
