i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
