I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
