PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
