Cold hands, warm shart.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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