walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
