im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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