So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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