im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
