You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
